Sunday, November 23, 2008

adventures.... i smell like hookers....

well, as i have already posted i have purchased my reward hooker. i was a lil bummed i couldn't take pics inside without permission and the people at the ranch want me to call corporate for permission which i really do not want to do; i would email them, so easy and convenient, but i don't have corporate's email.

i should had brought my camera anyways to at least show the trip there, i actually like the drive. i live on the north/north west side of vegas so to get to pahrump (the town sheri's ranch is in) i take highway 159 (charleston) west towards red rock. just keep heading west passing bonnie springs, spring mountain ranch, and the tiny town of blue diamond (~300 ppl).

driving this stretch of 159 we used to always see wild donkeys and occasionally wild horses (lately all i see are a bunch of weirdo hippies obv from california riding their bicycles, lot less cool than wild animals), but it has been 3-4 years since i seen them out, definitely way down considering i used to see them at least 50% of the time i made the drive. i remember as a kid several times we would have to stop and wait for them to clear out of the road, and even fed them doritos (nacho cheese which is cheesier than nacho cheesier) once.

there is actually some cool stuff out here in the desert, i wish i would get off my lazy ass and do things more often, its been a while since we just took off and had fun and i like nature shit too, im just super lazy. i should had brought the camera to document the trip, i love the desert.

so shortly after passing blue diamond 159 dead ends into 160 and i take a right and head up into the mini mountain which is kinda cool too. would be awesome to live towards to top of this thing, cooler weather, not to many people and 30 min from vegas, kinda pricey though. people go up there to hike, go into caves, climb cliffs, and i believe hang gliding. so anyways i drive through mountain springs which is right near mount potosi (or is?).

so the mountain just takes a few minutes, we go up, see a bunch of pinion pines, a bar, a fire station, and right back down.pretty much as soon as the road gets straight we see a bunch of joshua trees which are awesome...

and the drive gets very boring, just a long straight highway with nothing. maybe another 30 minutes and we start to see town stuff a little and make a few lefts(manse and homestead i think)... and head on down to the end of the road.

about this time it clicked that i could take shitty pics with my camera phone to at least prove i was there.

this is as im getting pretty close, the law states (i think) these places have to be out in the middle of nowhere (although new construction has been getting kinda close, ppl will without a doubt buy a house next to a brothel and then complain to the govt that there is a brothel next door and try to shut them down).

this next picture shows how awesome my camera phone takes motion pics, here is the chicken ranch which comes 1st, but is still right next door.

proof im in the parking lot (about an hour and 15 min drive)...

wow... some hooker is about to get lucky, i doubt she has many customers this awesome...

sooo, some hooker is gonna get stuck with me... lol.

even though i was somewhat sure of which girls i wanted, i rather just go into the bar and have a beer or 2 and see what girls were hanging out in the bar, maybe 1 of the 3 i like would be there.

i will say the 1st chick who talked to me was mya and i didn't use her for a few reasons, but i wont say who i did use or even if she was on my list of 3. i have a good reason though, i don't want the girl i picked to get in trouble.

so mya comes up and asks if i party or whatever and a few retarded questions and then asks me to her room. after i explained that i came to see her but i just wanted to finish my beer, she hassled me. "just bring you beer, you don't need to wait". obv i didn't need to wait, but i want to finish my beer. "just bring your beer you can finish it in my room, lets go to my room, are you sure you don't wanna go to my room now?". just give me a minute, fuck... "well if you are sure you don't wanna go to my room and talk while you finish your beer, i guess i will go talk to that other guy till you are done". ok whatever.

so im finishing my beer and wondering if i should pick another girl, i mean mya looks fucking old and she was sloppy with a big belly. i decided (probably wrongfully so, but i never been with an asian) to go ahead and go talk to her as soon as i finished my beer. she wrapped her arm around me and led me to her room while she tried to talk me into some theme room or a several hour "party". after i told her i just want the regular standard service she told me like 5 times how i need to go all out and she would make it worth it.

we get to her room and she asks me to take a seat and i sit. she squeezes up real close to me with one arm around me and rubbing all up and down my leg and thigh explaining how i need to take her to the theme room. after i finally got her to except the fact that im not going to go in some special room or pay for something special she finally said:

old sloppy asian bitch: "fine, but basic sex is $3000"

me: "are you serious? no way am i spending that, only brought $500"

OSAB: "dont you have a credit card.... atm card... any money in the bank?"

me: "that is besides the point, im not spending more than $500 take it or leave it..."

OSAB: "for $500 i cant do anything... well ok i will do a quick BJ, but nothing else and only 20 min"

me (laughing): "you serious?"

OSAB: "your lucky i am even willing to give you a BJ for only $500"

me: "never mind then, i'll go talk to some other girls"

she then walked me(obv not touching me any more) to some older lady who must be a manager or a boss or something who then walked me back to the bar. it was just a few minutes before another girl came up to me.

this girl was definitely hotter than the old asian bitch, not anything special but nice body and a cute face, i would say she was about a 7.

anyways she starts by asking me stupid questions like "where im from" and whatever, then quickly gets to the point:

7: "so you thinking about taking one of the girls back?"

me: "was thinking about it, but now im not sure"

7: "why is that?"

me: "well, i was just talking to mya and she wanted $3000, she is out of her mind"

7: "ya, that old sloppy asian is expensive and a real bitch"

me: "ya, no shit, she makes me just wanna leave and never come back, fuck her"

7: "i do less expensive parties, you should come back to my room"

me: "sure"

and off we went.......

once we got there she explained how she takes her time and really gets into it and prides herself as a GFE, then asked me how much i wanted to spend. out of curiosity, i asked, "what do you normally charge for all that?". she said, "i don't normally do it for less than $1000". i obv said "im not spending more than $500" and she agreed.

i gave her the money and she took it to her boss and grabbed me a beer and her a drink.

she came back in, went into the bathroom to freshen up, came back into the room where i was and as i was drinking my beer she started kissing my neck and taking my shirt off... before i knew it she had my pants around my ankles and she was deep throating me like a champ.

at this point in time she never put a condom on me which is required by law even for BJs, but i wasn't gonna complain for obv reasons (one reason i like illegal hookers is a lot do BBBJs, anyways this is the reason i cant say who i was with). it didn't take me long, while still standing i busted in her mouth, she swallowed some and rest landed on her... she wiped it with her hand and licked it all up, was pretty awesome. (i feel weird giving details, but i think this was something worth mentioning)

she insisted i hang out a while so i could fuck her (which threw me off because most hookers def try to rush you out and we never discussed finishing twice), and this was my 1st time finishing 2 times with a hooker.

good times, definitely one of my favorite hooker experiences. i always figured if im getting a hooker i might as well get a different girl every time just to keep it different, but i would consider using her again.

maybe another trip next month....


nhggfu said...

lmao good hooker story bro

gl on the tables

Anonymous said...

Was it the fire bush? Huh? Huh? It was wasn't it!?!!

$mokkee said...

7 FTW!

gg stoner

Anonymous said...

Man, I laughed the whole time, what a great entry


Anonymous said...

Man, I laughed the whole time, what a great entry


Anonymous said...

Man, I laughed the whole time, what a great story.

-Not Drome, just an anonymous asshat.

Kelly said...

AHAHAHAHA, this is so fucking classic dude. Do you think I could tell this story to my friends and say it was me?